Happy New Year everyone. 2019. WOW. So many thoughts surrounding heading into a new year. I have no idea what God has in store for me and my family this year, but I will walk into it with great expectations, curiosity, and confidence that God is up to something good.

“We’re on the brink of an adventure, children. Don’t spoil it with too many questions”—-Mary Poppins.

Too often we want to know what is going to happen, when it is going to happen, where it will happen, and why it will happen. We question A LOT before we actually DO things. I do this. But, like this line above from the new Mary Poppins Returns movie, we often “spoil” the adventure with too many questions. By the way, this movie is FANTASTIC…Do yourself a favor and go see it! It will bring a smile to your face and perhaps some tears to your checks. It’s a fabulously fun, creative, and brillant movie!

We need to take that leap of faith, trust scared often times, and anticipate goodness on the other side of our jump. Sure, there may be bumpy parts on the path where God leads us, but He knows what He is doing. Those bumps are part of the journey too. They help develop character, increase our dependence on Him, and refine the jagged parts of our heart. God wants us to step out in faith and who are we to “question” His gracious guiding.

Let’s go on adventures this year, friends. This could mean trying new recipes, traveling to foreign places, embracing new friendships, changing your perspective on something, thinking outside of the box, taking a dance class, learning a new language, using your voice to advocate for that thing that stirs your soul and breaks your heart, or just embarking on a trail of anything unfamiliar.
I don’t always have a word for the year. I am a woman of many words, so choosing one or two is just not easy for me. Fellow loquacious females and writers, you totally get it. But, God gave me two words as an anthem for this year. The two words for my 2019 are hope and change. “Be the change you hope to see in this world” is a powerful quote that is part of my inspiration for these two words. There are many areas of my life that I would like to see change in. Positive change. Growth and renewal. Refreshing and motivating. Bring on this type of change.
I want to live in hopeful expectation of change. I want hope to reside in my heart and on my lips. I want others to see this in the way I live my life as well.
Here’s to a year of CHANGE and HOPE; and living life as a true adventurer.
Be Brave on the Narrows, my friends.
P.S.
Please follow my blog to be notified when I write new posts, to show me some love, and encourage me to keep writing. This is a goal I have for 2019. Also, let me know some things you are living in hopeful expectation for this year.

Hello, friends!  Happy Fall!  This blog entry has been written little pieces at a time because I have not allowed myself time to write lately.  I’ve been listening to the lie that I can’t make time for it because I have too many other things to do.  But, I’m making time for it because it is something that feeds my soul.  We are all artists of some kind and artists need to create in order to feel alive.  And, at church we talked about rest today.  God wants us to do life giving things that fill our soul.  Writing does this for me.  So, here is a new entry for you.  Thank you for taking the time to read it and comment as well.

The calendar is marking fall although the weather did not get the memo about this.  Pumpkin everything is everywhere.  I love this season; and I also love that it is reminding me how wonderfully soon the Christmas season will be here.  I love all things Christmas.  Which brings me to the subject of Hallmark Christmas movies—-perfect, whimsical, happily ever after, something that warms the soul, and just put me in a happy place.

Why can I watch them forever and over and over?  (Yes, I unashamedly admit that I was one of the super sappy souls that embraced the Hallmark channel’s “Christmas in July”.)

I’m Dreaming of a Hallmark Christmas

(sung to the tune of “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas”)

The snow is falling; the mountains are white

The twinkling Christmas lights sway,

There’s never been such a day

As the Hallmark Christmas-land way…

Oh,  I’m dreaming of a Hallmark Christmas

Just like the ones I see on TV

Where the tree tops glisten and children listen

to every sweet word their parents say,

Oh, I’m dreaming of a Hallmark Christmas with every perfect movie ending  I see

May your days be filled with cookies, snowmen, & a beautifully decorated  tree

and may all your Christmas dreams come true  so you live endlessly happy.

So, this is my ode to Hallmark Christmas movies.  I hope you catch the sarcasm at the end.  I love these movies. I have probably watched most of them.  Perhaps some of them two or three times.  Again, I am not ashamed to admit this.  I can tell you the plot within 5 minutes of  watching a new movie.  I love that they are brimming with Christmas spirit, gorgeous homes, gorgeous people, and happily ever-afters.  This is so not reality, but it feels oh so lovely to escape into their perfectly orchestrated Christmas days.  I am totally whisked away with them as they travel to quaint, picturesque little towns and discover a new love, a new passion, or a new joy for living.  I’m addicted and I can’t stop watching this channel every evening during the Christmas season.  (And I’ve also discovered that they have winterfest, summer, and fall movies too….Ahhh.!!! Yes, my fellow Hallmark channel addicts, the magic continues ALL YEAR LONG.)

Yes, I would love parts of my life to look like a Hallmark movie.  But,  it is FAR from it.  My life more often resembles a hot mess mama who forgot to pack her daughters’ lunches and sign those important permission slip forms ; and simultaneously needs to shower & get dressed for work ALL in a blink of an eye.  Where is Barbara Eden from I Dream of Genie when you need her?  Seriously, can you come live with us Barbara?

Anyway, the grass is always greener on the other side, my friends.  And, it seems like in the Hallmark movies the grass is the greenest ever in existence (or the snow is the fluffiest, whitest ever….whatever…you get my point, I hope.)  We all want to feel good and have a little Hallmark magic in our lives.  The danger is that we compare rather than just enjoy watching the sugary-sweet stories.

Our stories are each unique and we need to embrace the stories God is writing for us rather than perpetually escaping into someone else’s story.  Don’t get me wrong imagination, reading, and movies are all grand and some of my favorite things, but don’t let them hinder you from living out your dreams and passions.  Let them inspire you instead.

So, this Christmas season when I get lost in a Hallmark movie, I will try to remember the following things:

*To go to bed at a decent hour because I am a grown up, for goodness sakes, with two little girls and a full time job  ****Disclaimer:  Allow myself  to stay up ultra late once or twice, especially if I’m doing something productive like wrapping Christmas gifts or drinking eggnog to my  heart’s content.

*To notice one fun tradition or Christmas-y thing the characters did in the movie that I could do with my family or friends this Christmas season.

*To NOT compare but rather ENJOY

*To NOT bring a box of Christmas cookies or treats with me to the couch or bed because the treats will NOT survive the first half of the movie .  Adios, Trader Joe’s Gingerbread men or Peppermint JoJo’s…it’s been nice knowing you….welcome to my belly!

*To let the Hallmark magic inspire me to write my own unique (far less perfect but rather REAL) story.

So, let’s go write some wonderful new chapters to our stories, my friends.  Stories just as worthy, beautiful, and magical as the Hallmark movies some of us may adore.

Be Brave on the Narrows, my friends.

“There are those who say fate is something beyond our command. That destiny is not our own, but I know better. Our fate lives within us, you only have to be brave enough to see it.”——Merida from Brave

These wise words spoken by the wide-eyed and arrow shooting Disney heroine Merida ring with so much truth. I recently watched this movie with my girls and I was so struck and inspired by these last lines from the movie(especially when said in a great Scottish accent). Merida is strong, confident, and as fiery and passionate as her untamed curly red locks. She knows how to breathe in life and doesn’t want to settle for something that will leave her feeling tied down and lifeless. She wants to roam free, spread her wings, and fly through life. She knows the course she wants and she bravely goes after it (albeit defying her mother’s wishes—-which I definitely explained to my girls is NOT something I want them to do & Lord willing it won’t happen…but let’s be honest, it will. That’s life…).

I love Merida for these reasons. If I’m honest, I even like the fact that she’s strong enough to stand up for what she wants even if it is in defiance to her mom.

Do you feel brave enough to face your fate, your future, your dreams? Do you breathe in life wholeheartedly like Merida or are you sitting still in a field of wildflowers not even noticing the spectacular beauty all around you?

Where do you need to take in more deep breaths? Even if you are doing lots of great things and surrounded by lots of great people, if you are not breathing in life you are squelching your life instead.

So, I have a small atrium that I have been trying to add life to on a zero dollar budget. I have a small shelf with some cute pots on it. Three pots which once contained three different types of flowers. All three of these flowers are now dead. I think I’ve actually killed about six different potted flowers or plants within about a 5 month time period. Not very good numbers there, my friends. Au revoir beautiful smelling lavender & once happy looking limoncello petals.

I think I know what I was doing wrong. I was watering them too much. Water is a good thing, right? And, it’s so hot right now, so don’t they need extra water? Nope. Apparently not.

I read the following information from a plant website:

“The roots of the plant take up water but they also need air to breathe. Over-watering, in simple terms, drowns your plant. Soil that is constantly wet won’t have enough air pockets and the roots can’t breathe. Roots that can’t breathe are stressed roots.”

Ahhh! This totally makes sense. Even too much of a good thing like water, can make something (or someone) feel like they are suffocating in life. We need to breathe. We need our roots to flourish not be tangled in stagnant water. We need God to show us where the space or place is in our lives that is stressing us out—–and take some deep, life-giving breathes.

Maybe we need a loved one to help us have the space and time to breathe. (Shout out to my dear friend & mentor mama Jana—who is my girls’ Nana by heart not by blood. She offered to have a special lunch & swim date with my sweet girlies yesterday so that I could take some depth breathes. Love you, Jana!)

Maybe we need to get out and go on a run. Maybe we need to drive down to the beach and stick our toes in the sand and breathe in the glorious salty air. Maybe we need to bake something; to eat something; to drink in some dreamy landscapes or architecture; to get lost in a good book; or to plant your own lavender and limoncello.

Please take time to breathe, my friends, because the alternative is just not acceptable. Let’s be brave enough to see the fate that lies within us like Merida. We can only bloom where we are planted if we are fully able to breathe in our blessings —-and the living water of our lives can freely flow not drown us out.

And, after we’re breathing in a healthy rhythm again, how can we help someone around us who needs some air? What life-giving thing can we do for them?

I want to tell you the story of a shy little girl. A girl who isolated herself often in her room to read, daydream , write in her journal, or write poetry.  This little girl lost her mom in the month of June when she was just 8.  This little girl had a wonderful dad,  two wonderful sisters, and an amazing church community of friends and family surrounding her.  This little girl knew that there was a God who loved her so very much, but she was also lost without her mom.  She didn’t know how to move on like normal or how everything could just be ok.  So this very sensitive little 8 year old continued to isolate, dream, escape reality through writing and just hope things would change.  I think summertime was always a bit dreary to her because in the back of her mind it reminded her that her mom left for heaven once upon a time when she was 8.

So, this little girl is now 42. And, she still misses her mom something fierce.  She still wishes that she could talk to her, that she could hang out with her, that she could meet her granddaughters, go shopping & drink coffee with her, and take long walks with her.  I think at the beginning of every summer there is a part of this girl that becomes overcome by these memories and the memories that never happened .  So, the isolation, the escaping reality,  and deep thoughts begin to soar.

I am that girl.  Now that I’m a mom, I don’t want summertime to have these feelings for me, but I also know that I need to work through them and not just expect myself to “get over it” or “let it go”.

It’s a part of who I am & who I’ve been for so many years. And, God wants to meet me in this.  He wants me to cry ugly tears if I need to.  He even says in his love letters to us “blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted”.  I want to allow myself to give space and time to the comforting process—-to let the ultimate comforter do His handiwork.

As the wise writer and research professor, Brene Brown, expressed in her book The Gifts of Imperfection:  “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.  Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.  Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

This summer I want to live in the now. I don’t want to be that shy little girl who is escaping reality most of the time by journaling in her pale pink bedroom and wishing things were different in her life.  I want to live life abundantly with my girls in the present and not expect perfection.  I want to be real and embrace now.

I want to accept now and also, have the hope and bravery to make a change. To choose joy over pain.  To choose intentional over escape.  To choose to surround myself with people and friends who accept me for who I am and love me unconditionally—not people who are trying to fix me or tell me what I should or shouldn’t do.  I want God to be the healer and helper in these difficult, hard places and spaces.  I want His love and light to give me the courage to be “brave on the narrows” .  So, I need to turn to Him and allow Him to be the one to guide me down the slim and often slippery steps that lead to truly abundant living.

This is where the hope, the joy, and the contentment thrives—on the narrow path. The road less traveled.  The broken and often risky road.  The road that leads to His heart and fills our hearts  in the process.  This is where the magic happens.

________

**”Mommy DVDs are magical because they don’t do anything when you’re holding them and then, you put them in the DVD player— and, magical“—Zoey, age 4

My sweet and very observant pretty girl said this to me one day. My goodness, this childlike wonder really has so much spiritual wisdom to it.  I love how God shows me truths through the whimsical things my girls say.

When we aren’t using our God given gifts and abilities we are just sitting there making nothing happen, but once we are actively engaged in the purposes God has for us magic begins to happen. His kingdom here on earth begins to transform because of the magic we are helping to make happen—the lives being helped; the children being loved & brought into a true home;  the homeless being recognized and given a home and dignity: the single mother receiving help from her church family; etc.  This is where the magic happens.

I want to be a DVD that is being used for its purpose rather than just sitting in its case. I want to share my unique story with others and touch lives however God leads me to.  I want to be where the magic happens.  True stories.  True hope.  True transformation.  True beauty.

Let’s make this a magical summer, mes amis.

Heart of Seconds

A second of time is more than enough
To feel the weight of the world and all that is tough
But seconds can be beautiful and filled with great joy
Like the moment a mom welcomes her precious girl or boy
Like earning second place or getting a second glance,
Being second chair in the concert or given a second chance.
Second servings of a delicious dessert or your favorite dish
A million seconds you prayed for a miracle or your secret wish
Seconds sway in the wind on birds’ wings and blow leaves gracefully away
Seconds greet the morning with dew dropped dreams for a new and love lined day

Heart beats

Stella: “How does your heart work?”

Me: (Trying to sound scientific and educated)”Blood pumps through our body and veins to the heart to keep it beating”….ok, not very scientific or educated. Just the basic facts.

Stella: ” Oh, I thought since Jesus is living in our hearts, he’s pushing on them to help them beat.”

Ok, such pearls of wisdom from my seven year old. This totally got to me. Like almost made me cry when she said it.
I told her: “I love how you think , Stella. There is so much truth to what you are saying”
Isn’t there? I mean… Oh, My Goodness! Isn’t He the one who is ultimately our life source— the one who sets the rhythm and beats of our everyday walk?

What thing makes your heart beat a little bit faster? What thing is Jesus moving toward your heart or in your heart?

I think that’s the thing that we need to embrace and own. That’s the thing that we need to focus our time on. That’s the thing that we need to give a second glance and second chance to. That’s the thing or things that need to be on our priority list.

Our life is made up of seconds and these seconds are fleeting and fast. We need to make an impact with these seconds rather than just let them slip away.
How is Jesus pushing on your heart today? How can you combine your seconds into a beautiful ballad of grace, love, and never again will there be now adventure?

Enjoy the seconds today, my friends.

Hello again.  I am so honored that many of you want to follow along on this new blog journey with me.  Like I said in my first post, it will be a slow,  baby steps process.  My site might not look pretty and professional for a while, but that’s ok.  It’s enough for right now.

Speaking about enough, that’s a powerful word.  A word that many of us do not often feel that we can embody.  Social media, employers, the bathroom mirror, our paycheck, and our past mistakes tell us that we’re not enough,  But, you know what, nobody is perfect and nobody will ever reach that state of perfection.  This is the beauty of Jesus and the fact that He died for our sins, so that we could be more than enough right now.  Right where we are.  No strings attached.  What a wonderful, could never compare to anything else, gift.   Oh my goodness, my prayer for all of us is to live in the beauty and greatness of this gift.

Know in your heart that you are enough today.    You can begin again wherever you are at with this knowledge.  Enough even though we didn’t make the cut at the audition.  Enough even though we didn’t get the job or lost the job.  Enough even though we binge watch shows on Netflix instead of doing productive stuff.  Enough even though we feel outcasted, lonely, or misunderstood.  Enough when we feel depressed or discontent.  Enough when we feel exhausted or expectant.  Enough even though we feel afraid or insecure.  Enough when our parenting days feel long and our patience tank is depleted.  Enough when we feel small and insignificant.

I wrote this poem about 5 years ago and I want to share it with you today.  May it inspire and challenge you to live out of your passion and calling today because my friends, we are enough.

Broken and ugly,

Fragile and slow,

These words permeate my being and sometimes are all that I know,

How to describe this person that God has created,

 My life often feels like a series of events ill-fated.

For my mind struggles with believing what is true,

That the condition of my life is a creation made new.

But again, my mind takes me away from beauty and heavenly skies,

And leads me down a depressing road filled with dark and gloomy lies.

Somehow in the midst of self loathing and insecurity,

God wakes me up to remind me of His divine reality–

I don’t need to be perfect in any way

Because He is enough for my each and every day.

He heals broken things and thinks I am a beautiful piece of art,

He loves my sensitive soul and gracefully designed my heart.

He is my provision no matter how much money we have to get by,

He is my comforter when I make comparisons that cause me to break down and cry.

He is my strength when I feel too weak for the journey in front of me,

He is my hope when I feel uninspired and unmotivated–He is my crucial key.

He reminds me I am uniquely crafted– clothed in righteousness and love, I am a child of God –a daughter dressed in royalty by my Father above.

Hello!  Welcome to my very first post from my very first blog—Brave on the Narrows.  This has been something on my heart for a while now.  Something I have been a bit afraid of starting because trying something new is sometimes a daunting task.  But, like my tagline says “life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all”!  So, here we go!  Thanks for joining me on this journey.  I’m so glad you’re here!

I have loved writing since I was old enough to string words together into whimsical and imaginative rhymes.  I remember sending out sing- song-y holiday poems to friends and family when I was a wide-eyed, sensitive, and innocent jr. higher.  I dreamed of being a writer when I “grew up” (which I’m still doing by the way), but never fully embraced that dream to turn it into a plan of action.  At the age of 42, I’m finally turning that “can’t” feeling into a “can”…thus, enters Brave on the Narrows to the stage.  The entertaining, emotional, dream-filled, caffeine-driven, love lined, adventure soaked stage of my life.

I want to share how I see God’s handprints and footprints in everyday life.  I want to share about the things and the people that are helping to change the world.  I want to share how the mundane, ordinary things in life can be reflections of our extraordinary God.

Brave is one of my favorite words and something I so deeply long to be.  I am still in process and forever will be.  I’m becoming braver as I learn to trust God along the narrow paths that He leads me.  I am often trusting scared.  I am often peeking through my hand-covered eyes.  But, nevertheless, I am being brave.  And, I know that many of you are too.  We are Brave on the Narrows.

So, welcome.  This thing is a work in progress.  It may be a slow and steady thing, but that is often what my life looks like.  I want to be honest, vulnerable, sensitive, hopefully inspirational, and maybe sometimes funny.  Please grab a cup of bliss and read on (and feel free to tell me what you think too)…

It’s early in the morning and I’m sitting down to write. Those two things are pretty much a miracle wrapped in one sentence.  I so often yearn to write, but put it off A L L the time.  Why?  I don’t feel like I have anything noteworthy to share; I don’t think it will be good enough; or I feel like there’s a million things I should do instead of it.  But, now, as I’m sitting here tapping my fingers across a keyboard and the thoughts are spilling out of my mind, I feel a bit more alive.  I love words and the combination of words and how stringing them together can create a picture for someone.  I love how words can inspire and encourage.  So, here I’ll sit—touching the raised letters creating prose out of empty space.  Filling the void of creativity in my heart and mind, and in return, hopefully, stirring some dreams or thoughts in others.

So, let’s just be real for a minute….I got that whole paragraph out and then, life happened. My girls woke up early, so my writing time ceased…So, here I am again.  A month later.  Yes, that’s right.  A month later.  Attempting to do the same thing.  So, here it goes….

At that time I was going to write about how visiting my uncle or should I say attempting to visit my uncle at a rehab facility reminded me of our freedom. Let me explain….My uncle got discharged early from a  rehab place for his leg and I was unaware of this, so my 4 year old daughter, Zoey, and I were on a scavenger hunt for my uncle throughout the facility for about 30 minutes before we were informed that he was no longer there.  Isn’t that so similar to how we sometimes live?  We view ourselves as broken or unable to move and keep staying in the same place, but God has come and “discharged” us from our safe space.  He has healed us and freed us from our brokeness or weakness, yet we keep wandering around the comfortable place where we are at hoping to find something (or someone in the case of my uncle).  But, God has said “get up and walk”!  He wants us to live abundantly and live freely.  He doesn’t want us to keep believing we are damaged goods and go on endless hunts to find things that will make us better.  He is the thing that has made us better!  And, He has set us free.  Amen!

So, a month later, I want to talk about running with endurance the race set before us and pressing on towards the goal. I ran the OC half marathon about a month ago.  I ran with Team World Vision to raise money for clean water in Africa.  And, symbolically, it rained hard the first 6 miles of the race.  Like REALLY rained.  The water pounding the pavement and swooshing the plastic trash bags we wore over us to keep somewhat dry reminded me of why I was running.  I was making my miles matter by providing clean, life-changing water to those who need it.  I was also setting an example for my girls about being strong, setting a goal, helping others, endurance, and bringing hope to the world.

Each of us have a race to run. A God-given; uniquely designed; own special path race.  And, the beauty is that we get to choose how we run it.  Do we want our lazy—I don’t really want to be in this race—-attitude to flow out of us or would we rather have perseverance, strength, hope, and light be shining along our path?  Believe me, I totally know that our races are not always easy.  Actually, they were not created to be.  That whole thing about character building REALLY is true.  Are we learning to make lemonade out of lemons when the path is bumpy & sour?  Or, are we just surrendering on the road and letting life pass us by.

My dad is a former runner, a retired teacher and football coach, a sturdy pillar of faith and integrity, a loyal friend, and a legacy maker of family tradition and togetherness.  He is also very skilled at landscape design and maintenance.  Curb appeal is something he believes in and lives by.  And, he has also made sure that the places that my sisters and our respective families have lived in have a certain curb appeal as well.

I think this is actually spiritual.  God wants us to have our own special curb appeal to draw others to Him and glorify Him.  He wants us to run in a way that shows off our gifts and makes others take a second glance–not to be flashy or conceited, but to ultimately point towards His goodness.

How are you running your race & how’s your curb appeal looking?

Thanks for reading what’s on my heart, my friends.

Remember that today is a day to begin again.

Blessings,

Jess